The Fatherhood Fog

You love your new baby. But something feels off. 

Wait… this is… forever??

You’ve been warned about sleep deprivation, changing diapers, and taking care of your wife during her recovery.

But no one prepares you for the impending identity crisis. Who you were, what you did, how you spent your time — gone. And that’s tough. 

Most dads experience it, but few speak up or seek help. 

Why?

They’ve spent 30-odd years bottling up their emotions. They want to be the rock for their family. Or they think talking about it takes away from how much their wife went through.

We’ve been there. But here’s the problem:

Your new baby needs you at 100%, and more importantly (now), so does your wife. 

Here’s how we got through the fog:

1. Recognize It (You’re tired… but it might be more than that)

2. Navigate It (How do you work through it)

3. Help another dad

By the way, don’t miss our latest podcast episode that just dropped this morning! We talk about AI uses and misuses, including how AI leads to tragedies in the worst cases.

Step 1: Recognize It (You’re Tired… but it might be more than that)

Shh… shh… shh… 

It’s 3 AM on Tuesday. You and your wife have slept for a total of about 12 minutes. Or at least that’s what it feels like. 

Your mind is racing. You’re thinking through objections you’ll get hit with on a pricing call in 6 hours. You committed the deal too. Even if the baby falls asleep now, you’re not sure how you will. 

The newborn life is a grind. And you’ll feel tired; that’s simply part of the game, brother.

But here’s the difference between feeling tired and experiencing the fatherhood fog: 

• You feel disconnected from your baby or your wife.

• You’re riddled with existential dread or anxiety.

• You’re working late, going to the bars or just finding ways to escape.

We experienced all these. The only way to get through it was to first recognize it and begin coming to grips with this new reality.

Step 2: Navigate It (How to Manage the Mental Load)

Typing this in a newsletter is easy. But we know putting it into practice is much harder.

This is what helped us navigate it and we hope it helps someone else too.

• Talk to someone. Talk to your partner, a friend, a family member or a therapist. Anyone that you can share what you’re going through and feeling. Don’t bottle it up.
  

• Build new routines. Slowly. Begin implementing small routines focused on exercise and sleep. Small wins help reset your thoughts and mood.
  

• Don’t feel guilty. Feeling this way doesn’t make you a bad dad. It’s normal, and it won’t last. 

At the end of the day, there’s a little human who took over your house and your life. You’ll still have tough days and nights. 

This won’t clear the fog overnight. But these are steps in the right direction.

Step 3: Lead the Way (Help another dad)

Maybe you’re on the other side now, busy potty training a toddler. 

But some dad out there is in it. They’re exactly where you were a couple years ago.

Now, do you have to record a podcast or write a newsletter about your experience? Negative. But sharing your experience could make all the difference.

If your friend, son, or husband had a kid, check on him.

Wrap Up

We believe that you show up for your family by showing up for yourself first.

If this resonated, please forward it to another dad who might need to hear it.