Hey friends (kids, partners, coworkers, pet lovers… everyone),
There’s something rare and beautiful in adult life: stumbling into a friendship that just clicks. Maybe it’s with another couple, maybe it’s with another parent, a pod of co‑workers, or that one friend whose inside jokes out‑last every awkward dinner conversation. Whatever label you give it, this is about the relationships that feel easy yet need care, the friendships that make life more tolerable when it’s dumpster‑fireing and downright joyful when you’re riding high.
This week, we’re riffing on two big ideas from the podcast:
“Finding Your Sean and Ashton” – those rare friends who are so in sync with your family, your weirdness, and your weekend schedule that you feel like you lucked into permanent sidekicks.
“Rules of Engagement” – the everyday strategies that keep friendships intact (and even thriving), especially when life gets messy.
Whether you have a gaggle of kids or not, this is for everyone who’s ever asked, “How do I hang on to the people who actually make adulting feel less adulty?”
And while you’re at it, check out the full episode and subscribe to our YouTube channel. We’re on a sprint to reach 1k YouTube subscribers and we need your help!
This episode is maybe our best one yet. I promise you’ll leave feeling inspired.
The Illusion of “Effortless” Friendships
Remember when friendship was simple? You passed your Pokemon cards over the fence and boom—besties. Adult friendships… not as seamless, huh?
We carry families, deadlines, low‑battery alarms, vanish for weeks, then pop back in expecting everything to be same as ever. That kind of unpredictability? It breaks low‑effort relationships.
Here’s the truth:
Even friendships that start off like they’re scripted in your soul need actual care and air time. The “coming‑together” magic might open the door—but you still gotta walk through it, regularly.
How You Even Meet Your “Sean and Ashton”
Here’s how it often plays out (with or without kids):
Shared Life Stage Is a Connector, not a guarantee. Families, mid‑career blues, looming retirements—people in the same boat often get you, but that doesn’t automatically mean you’ll sync. Lifestyle alignment helps, but it’s personality and mutual social effort that seal it.
Proximity Still Matters—even in the era of digital everything. Same block, school run, gym class, or shared volunteer gig? These are the breeding grounds for friendships worth keeping.
You’ve Gotta Show Up (Mentally and Physically). Invite them in. Text the inside joke. Offer the extra seat. These are small anchors—catching on means more than waiting to be rescued by luck.
The point is: you can’t force “besties,” but you can (and should) create more moments that invite connection.
Rules of Engagement: Keeping the Good, Evicting the Bad
Once you meet “your people,” how do you not inadvertently grind everything into dust? Borrow these three combat-tested strategies:
“Table this for later.”
If conversation starts unravelling—maybe one of you is hangry, tired, or just on edge—say “Hey can we hold this convo a bit later?” (Great tip for spouses!) Emotionally mature, and gives you both space to breathe. Not ghosting, just self‑awareness.Don’t publicly eviscerate.
“That one comment” in a group chat or during family hangouts—that corny, half-joking jab? It often lands as passive aggressive. Save the critique for your private channel. This applies most to marriages but can also apply in your friendships.Fast, clean apologies.
“Oops, my bad. Totally didn’t mean it like that.” This avoids festering resentment. Doesn’t have to be an essay—just real, grounded, and you’re still on the same team.
Parent Edition: Playdates + Emotions = Double the Complexity
Parenting friendship is something else:
Your kid explodes mid-dinner and that’s also a parenting mini‑crisis.
One parent’s method (attachment‑this, sleep‑training‑that) clashes with your own vibe.
You’re operating at 2 AM energy from birthday parties and endless diaper changes.
Sticking to those engagement rules becomes even more vital. If the adults are anchored, the kids’ dynamic can weather more storms—and eventually grow into a friendship even when the kids outgrow sandbox squads.
Non-Parent Edition: It Still Applies (Promise)
No kids? No problem! These same principles work for:
Long-term co-workers who became real-life champagne-toasting friends.
Travel buddies who bonded over shared chaos.
Shared-interest pals—knitters, gamers, weekend warriors.
Connection isn’t a box to fit—it’s an unfolding. The shared investment is what keeps you in orbit—even when work, long-distance moves, or new life seasons pull you in different directions.
And when a friendship can outlast an unplanned relocation or a six-month crash of silence…that’s rare. That’s keep-worthy.
Wrap-Up
Adult friendships are sometimes the unsung heroes of living. And finding that person (or couple) who gets you—who cheers for your small wins and sticks around for the deep talks—is like discovering you’re not alone in this circus.
Keep showing up. Keep going deep. Your friendship village might look messy, but when it clicks—it matters.
We’ll catch you next week.
- Two Dads in Tech
P.S. We love to hear from you. Please reply to this email with your own story, or if you disagree with a take, or if you just want to say hi. We read every reply and are always looking for ideas to chat about in the podcast.